Dropped in a Fangirl's World
by JeichanHaka
Summary: Dropped in a fangirl's world, the adventures of L and Light, humor fanfic exploring what would happen if L and then Light found themselves living with an obsessed L fan.
1. Chapter 1

**Dropped in a Fangirl's World**

_A/N: Originally this was planned as a one shot, but my boundless, plotless ideas have provided a need for more than one chapter. Anyway, this fanfic explores what would happen if L through some unknown power found himself in one of his fan-girl's apartments. Characters might be a little OOC, and this fic is strictly for humor and entertainment. Warnings include a scary fan girl, and extensive mentions of BL and yaoi, as well as threats of castration and attacks on Light._

**Adventures of L and Light**

L opened his eyes to warmth and the pale yellow illumination of a lamp tucked against a corner, his deep black irises watched the blank ceiling as his pupils reacted to the sudden brightness. The warmth of the room faded into a cooler yet still comfortable temperature as an air conditioner hummed and roared in its cabinet beneath the window. L felt feeling creep back into his limbs, stifling the stiff paralysis with a bombardment of pain -- he bit his lip and drew in a breath, unable to cringe at the onslaught of his nervous system.

The beat of his heart hurt like a sledgehammer and he shut his eyes at the sudden zing as it thumped harder....

_'Wait...heartbeat....I have a heartbeat? But the Shinigami....' _L drew air heavily into his lungs, and cursed at the soreness, his body protesting against that normal occupation of living. The stiffness gradually faded to a dull annoyance, packing the pain with it as it vamoosed, and he sighed seizing the opportunity to think in the approaching comfort.

"Where am I?"

"Huh? Who's that? Sis?" A groggy voice mumbled to his right, on a low bed hidden by shadow and topped with a winter blanket. L sat up and watched as the heavy blanket moved, revealing a pale face peeking out at him. The tired eyes blinked behind a curtain of brown and black hair, the blue of the irises seeming gray as a lazy hand wiped sleep from them. L tilted his head when the hand stopped, missing the widening eyes as he locked on the plushie the person held in her free arm.

It was an L plushie. Still in perfect condition.

"That....what...." L didn't have time to finish his inquiry, as the female gasped, lips twisting with delight and a shadow of disbelief. The next moment blue eyes glanced down at her covered form and froze.

"Holy Hell!" She cursed, cheeks reddening before she glared at him and sat up, with the blanket wrapped securely around her. "You stay there."

L tilted his head in thought, blushing before the female reached her small but still-with-enough-space-to-dress-in closet, his detective intelligence unneeded to figure out the female wore little to no clothes beneath the blanket.

While she dressed muttering 'holy crap' and 'holy hell' and a lot more holy's under her breath, L forced himself to his feet, stretching his back out straight just to loosen the stiffness further. His eyes fell on the plushie left on the bed, and before he could bite back curiosity, his hands picked it up.

Black-felt hair cut and glued on its cotton-filled, cloth head, white shirt and blue pants sewn on its body -- the plushie remained with knees brought to its chest and arms crossed over them, the thumb of one hand at its lips. L looked it over, frowning at the blue pants covering its crouched legs as the loose cloth exposed the backside.

"That plushie's pants never stay up...." The female muttered behind him, slight smile on her lips until she realized the absurd perversity pushing through her thoughts among the lines of _'OMG L is here holding an L plushie and one of their pants are down....'_

(Needless to say) her cheeks resumed their blush, her eyes glazing at the sudden image conjured from that thought train. The next moment she lunged at L, arms firmly vised around his torso as they both tumbled to the mattress from her full-body glomp. Her heart beat rapidly as she squeezed the surprised L tighter, her eyes closed in bliss while his widened at the peculiarity of her action and dress.

Long sleeved white shirt and loose blue jeans, she wore his customary outfit and the darkness of her hair differed a mere shade from his.

"Are you okay?" L mumbled, his real question burning within _'what the bleep is going on?'_

"I'm all right....though I could die without regret this very moment...." The female let go of L, though she continued to cuddle her head against his chest. "My sweet loveable, cuddleble, huggable L is finally here. Now we only need Kira roasting over an open fire and I can die blissfully content."

L blinked down at the female as he moved from lying to sitting, her words scary and strangely reassuring, though his brain still lingered in incomprehension.

"Could you tell me where I am?"

The female gazed up at him.

"I died and now....where am I? How do you know who I am?"

"Uh....well, I....um, I guess this could be considered an alternate reality? Since in this world you're an Anime character."

"I'm a WHAT?"

0

L sulked, bunched up in the tan and battered computer chair, knees at his chest with his hands lain on top of them; his stomach growled for sweets yet the only thing he'd found in the apartment was a bottle of chocolate ice-cream syrup. He'd emptied that half a hour ago.

"Where did she go?" He mumbled and spun the computer chair around, glaring at the blank monitor now in his view. Two hours ago he'd logged on, using the password and user the female had written down before he awoke -- not thinking about what 801 meant until after he saw the background.

He blanched and immediately turned off the monitor, refusing to look at it even to log off.

That background was a colored pic of him and Light on a bed, chains around his arms and torso, with Light straddling him -- both of them wearing only pants.

"To think I started to think she wasn't so bad…now I know why she chose 801 as part of her password." He shuddered, trying not to imagine what other pics she could have stored on the PC. He sulked and glanced at the floor after giving the monitor another glare. "Why is Light above me even in a pic like that? Why couldn't it be…."

He shook his head rapidly to dispel that thought, which brought, among other images, ideas and curiosities he didn't wish to contemplate. The opening of the apartment door broke through his brooding, the call of 'come help me, L-kun,' as the voice's owner stepped in holding grocery bags drew his bad mood into the air and away.

He noticed the boxes of hostess cakes and packages of mixed candy through the plastic shopping bags.

"Hello Sweet, guess what I have! I wanted to be home before you woke but there was so many selections, and when I realized the credit card from your pocket actually worked, I just couldn't deny us both from having a sample of every sweet."

L grabbed the bags she held out and brought them to the kitchen, his first desire to eat them while sitting on the computer chair until he remembered the background picture.

"You need to change your user background." L opened a box of hostess cupcakes and devoured two within his sentence, barely sitting on one of the chairs at the kitchen table before he swallowed the last bite of the second.

"Use…holy! I completely forgot I changed it to that pic last week. I was completely engulfed in figuring out how I'd feed your sweet tooth and doubting your credit card would work that I forgot that you wouldn't be used to a BL fan-girl's computer…and, you didn't browse any of the fanfics I have saved, did you?"

"I turned the monitor off one second after I saw the background. I won't be able to use it until you change it…thank you for buying these sweets by the way."

"But I used your credit card…I should thank you for letting me by groceries for the month. And soda for the week or so…." She watched L shrug and return to the sweets, this time a box of pocky that he dipped into a jar of Nutella.

"You went out to get all of this, that's why I thank you….what kind of soda did you get?"

"Uh…." Her eyes widened, before her expression wilted into guilt. "I didn't know what kind you'd like so I only bought some for myself -- and I don't see you as a Diet Pepsi drinker."

"You would be correct. Artificial sweeteners are terrible. Sugar, white or brown, is preferable."

"I did buy tea though…the instant kind and the non-instant kind. As well as a huge package of gradulated sugar for it -- I don't know where to look for sugar cubes." She carried the rest of the bags into the kitchen, making three trips back to the door before everything was in. The last trip consisted of non-sweet foods for herself, as well as the last of the five 12 can packs of Diet Pepsi.

"I think I might consider this place as not being a hell after all. Perhaps not heaven…."

"It's neither, I'm alive still and you seem to have a living body…it's just not your prior reality."

"That is true. I do not feel dead, though I didn't feel it after I died either."

"Yeah…um…Ah! Holy Hell!" The female's gaze wandered to the kitchen window, blue eyes widening, mouth agape before her expression grew into cold hate.

L felt a chill at her bristling, following her stare carefully and slow. The next second he dropped his coffeecake muffin as he recognized the person standing outside smirking at them.

"Yagami-kun…."

"That…that…." The female balled her fists, the next second smirking dangerously as she ploughed through the door, barely pausing to open it. L focused on the scene bemusedly as the female stormed up to the unbudging Light and…kneed him between the legs. L blinked and stifled a smile as his number one suspect and murderer crumbled to the grass, body curled up in a ball of pain. He resumed eating his coffeecake muffin while the female dragged Light inside before the man could further react.

'_Wait….man? Light-kun has gotten older….wait….why is he here? Did he die too?'_

"What the hell did you kick me for?" Light shouted at the female, his expression revealing a rage L had never seen and only guessed at. "Who are you anyway? And why is L here?"

"First you and L may call me Jeichan, second I kicked you because you harmed my beloved L-chan, and I do not know how either of you came to this world, but L will always be welcomed here."

" 'Your _'beloved' _L?' Oi, you're a fan-girl of his? Please what do you people see in him? He's nothing compared to me…."

"Obviously, you make Ted Bundy look like a saint, no, scratch that, you make Hitler…."

"I'm **not** a genocidal dictator…."

"Have you bothered looking at yourself, Kira? How many people did you kill? How many more did you wish to? And how did you silence your protestors? Those who stood up against you? Killing criminals as though they were a race unworthy of existing, slaying those who dared to speak up -- who tried to end your deranged bloodshed. Using the despair and dissatisfaction of the masses to brainwash them into believing your doctrine…."

"I was making a peaceful world! The world everyone wants!"

"There's a reason such a world is called an Utopia -- it cannot exist in any imperfect realm. If it could exist it would. Hell, there's no way peace could truly last on Earth unless all but one person were dead, and then that person probably would commit suicide from boredom."

L sniggered as he finished the muffin, moving onto another packet of hostess cupcakes. Hearing Light being argued with so fiercely breathed satisfaction into his recently awakened bones.

"I could have succeeded, it was my ideal to make reality."

"You're not a god, you're some brainless naïve who equates security with liberty, while not knowing that liberty cannot exist if people are not free to sin. And in any world where liberty, and freewill with it, does not exist, life itself has no meaning above the dull simplicity of nature."

"I….if I'd succeeded you'd sing a different tune."

"No, I wouldn't. Since if you'd succeeded I'd take a shotgun and either try shooting you or shoot myself. Give me liberty or give me death." Jeichan breathed deeply as she settled onto a chair. "Now, let's sit down to eat like civil people, before I prove through you that a man cannot win an argument with a woman."

"Geez…PMS much?" Light muttered, his glare locking on L's crouched form eating a Twinkie.

"Not yet, in a week maybe." Jeichan replied, chuckling and then laughing as L's and Light's faces turned scarlet. Light stammered about not wanting to hear about that, while lingering near the table of desserts.

"Would Light-kun desire a Twinkie?" L asked and held out the individually packaged golden treat, missing the perverted interpretation until Jeichan fell off her chair, choking on a mouthful of soda.

"L giving Light his Twinkie?! Holy bleeping hell! Creamed filled and everything."

Light stared wide-eyed at Jeichan, expression equivalent to being struck by a frying pan, before contorting into nauseous disgust. At the table L tossed down the Twinkie and pushed the box away.

"I don't think I like Twinkies anymore."

0

Light glared at the computer screen, brown eyes trailing over the summary of the fifth fanfiction Jeichan had saved to her computer; his mind yelling at him that he should've picked a different folder to browse through other than the Death Note fanfiction one. He felt like punching the monitor as he exited out of another 'Light gets raped, develops relationship with L' fanfic.

"Is this all you think about?" Light demanded as Jeichan entered the living room carrying a tray of sweets; L tagged along behind her holding about five newspapers. He jabbed his finger at the fan fiction's summary, the heavy lines of anger marring his otherwise unblemished face. "Don't you read fanfics with other sort of plots?"

"Well, I've read and saved a fanfic where it's L that gets raped instead of you, but that one is just 2 chapters long and incomplete….there's also a mpreg one where L gets impregnated by Light-kun and…."

Light felt like he would throw up and he held up his hand for Jeichan to stop talking; he shook his head and then massaged the temples with his fingers. On the couch L had a similar expression in a miniscule degree, his fingers holding a fork paused on its way toward a white frosted cake slice.

"I sympathize with Light-kun, though he missed seeing the previous background Jeichan had up. He didn't have to see any picture other than the white/blond hair mobster from some other anime." L shoveled a forkful of cake into his mouth then took a sip of heavenly sweetened tea. "Though how could it be possible for a male to get pregnant? Is that some kind of fetish among BL fan girls?"

"It's popular enough that it has it's own warning code for stories on adultfanfictiondotnet. Though I prefer the BDSM type and non-consensual type fanfics better."

"Do you have any fanfiction that is not about me and L screwing each other? Because that's just plain wrong on so many levels…."

"Well there are some fanfics about Mello and Matt, Mello and Near, BB and L….L and Matsuda…some with BB and Light, Mikami and Light….I think there might be one with Ryuk and Light as well but I have to check…I don't have them saved, but I can find them…." Jeichan continued until she heard L's fork clatter on his plate and noticed both of them just stared at her. She pulled her bottom lip into her mouth with her teeth as she bowed her head, her demeanor sheepish; her concern stemming from L's reaction rather than Light's.

"I believe Light-kun meant more non-yaoi type fanfiction….I assume this 'Mikami' is a guy as well?" L crunched up tighter in his crouch, thumb at his lips as he studied Light's expression.

"Yep, he's someone who believed Kira to be god….Though his devotion indirectly led to Light's downfall."

Light narrowed his eyes at Jeichan then turned to L, brown eyes glinting in the sunlight.

"Who is BB? Someone connected to you L?"

"BB or Beyond Birthday is someone who tried to get the better of L, though I haven't been able to read the book where he shows up in so I don't know much else about him….just that he looks similar to L….and was born with Shinigami eyes…."

Light blinked as he shifted back to staring at Jeichan, his brown eyes glancing at L as the pale detective returned to his sweets.

"…born with Shinigami eyes? How…."

"Don't know, I haven't read the book he appeared in…." Jeichan leaned over the computer keyboard and took the mouse from Light's hands. She opened and few folders and scrolled down a list of stories in a folder called My Fanfics. "All the one's in here are fanfics I wrote myself, and most of them don't contain yaoi. Read to your heart's content. Though if you wish I could look up other's fanfics that are male/female ones. There's a few of Light and Misa…."

Light cringed and shooed Jeichan away, shaking his head before she could say another word. He paused when she chuckled and leaned against the glass door beside the computer desk.

"You know, it's your lukewarm attitude toward Misa coupled with your angry liveliness around L that makes fans think that…." Jeichan sniggered as she heard L go 'hm' behind them.

"I always wondered myself why Light-kun preferred my company to Misa's…." L wondered aloud, expressing his words in just the right tone to cause Light to flinch. He could picture the tinge of red that appeared on Light's cheeks as the younger-now-older man's fists clenched.

"…I do NOT like L. Misa was too much an idiot for me to consider…."

"So, you're saying, if L's brains were in Misa's body then you'd…."

"That is NOT what I mean….there is no way I could ever consider liking someone against my ideals….he is and always will be my enemy and…."

"Ah, so if L-kun had not been against Kira's ideals, Light-kun might have considered liking L-kun?" Jeichan asked, mimicking L's gestures and posture as she studied the brunette. She felt L's eyes studying her before shifting to Light's back. "After all if you write Yagami in romaji and then read it backwards you get 'I'm a gay'…."

Behind them L choked on the sip of tea he'd just drank as the words hit his ears. As he cleared his throat of the blockage, his coughs the only thing marring the silence, Light snapped and kicked the computer chair away as he stood.

"Enough! If you say another word…..I swear you'll regret it every single second you breathe….." Light faced Jeichan, the fan-girl's blue eyes reflecting uncertainty for a moment before narrowing. Her expression changed into the eyes of someone hungry for blood, the slow simmer of wrath burning under her skin.

"There's few things you could do to make me regret…and if you do the one I'm thinking of right now, _Kira_, it will be you who regrets it every second until your last…." The shadows on Jeichan's face strengthened her threatening expression, her voice low and harsh as she continued. "I'll castrate you in the slowest, most painful way possible if you…if you in any way harm L or the poetry I've written. Other than that, do your worst."

"…." Light, who instinctively stepped back from Jeichan's glare, blinked as the anger morphed into something softer on the fan-girl's face, and Jeichan flew to the couch.

"Ah, L, Light's threatened me! Do something!" Jeichan whined, her demeanor flipping 180 as she clung to the detective's side. Her bottom lip protruding, eyes morphing into a scolded-puppy-dog's pout, she tangled her fingers in L's usual white shirt; her face pressed against his side. 30 seconds later she burst out laughing as both L and Light gaped at her, unable to speak; she continued laughing, eyes watering, to the point of being unable to breathe.

While she struggled to subdue her laughter, L and Light shared a look that said: what the hell have we gotten ourselves into….

**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter, please please review, and I'll try to finish the next chapter soon. **

***The fanfics alluded to in this chapter are all fanfics done by other authors on the site adultfanfiction dot net. Though mostly I just reference the popular plotline of Light gets raped, and mentioned the pairings that stuck out while browsing the internet. I'm fairly certain there are more than one Light gets L pregnant fanfics out there, but I've only seen one where it's L that gets raped and that fanfic belongs to DARKSINOKARU on adultfanfiction dot net. Props to the author. Other than that I tried to keep the references generic enough not to require listing the authors…Perhaps in the next chapter(s) I should explore what L and Light think of some of my fanfics….**


	2. Chapter 2

**Dropped in a Fan Girl's World**

**Chapter 2:**

Jeichan leaned close up to the computer screen, eyes wide and lips parted - the intensity of her focus blocking out all background noises and motions from her perception. She read over each line, each word, each letter hungrily, periodically placing her right hand over her lips to keep back her chuckles. At each episode of suppressed laughter she closed her eyes or looked away from the screen, noticing only her own thoughts and the words on the screen - she ignored Light sitting on the couch behind her thus not catching the annoyed expression on his face.

"Is what you're reading that entertaining? Chill out and do something else for a change, I've had enough of your yaoi fanfiction crap…." Arms crossed in front of him, Light leaned back on the couch, chocolate eyes locked on Jeichan's back as the only TV in the apartment didn't have cable or even an antenna hooked up. After a week he'd watched all the DVDs he found interesting, refusing to watch any of the anime ones.

"Didn't anyone ever tell you about assuming things? I'm not reading a yaoi - well it shows hints of BL but isn't a Yaoi yet - there's no graphic scenes….at most I guess there is BL or Shounen-ai, pretty much the same thing, but yaoi means graphic and…."

"Like I really give a crap about those distinctions…what women see in such a thing…."

Jeichan spun around and glared at Light, her hair recently dyed black with red streaks fell past her shoulders. Her sharp blue eyes seemed like they were trying to cut through the brunette, their intense annoyance etched deeply in those orbs.

"What do men see in watching women making out and screwing each other? It's simply the woman's version of that accepted male fantasy….anyway there is nothing like that in this fic I'm reading…it's more a humorous, perhaps twisted, psychological fic…."

Light scoffed as L stepped into the room, the next second shaking his head as Jeichan flew to L and bear hugged the detective.

'_Ah, great, is she going to complain to him about me being mean to her? I swear she's like Misa….'_

"L-kun! You need to enjoy life more! Don't let logic and reason dictate everything!!" Jeichan held her arms tightly around the detective, relaxing her grip only as the silence grew and she felt both L and Light staring at her.

"Huh? What brought that up?" Light dropped his crossed arms and leaned forward, side-glancing at L for some sign or reason for Jeichan's comment. L simply gave him a similar glance before both of them shifted back to their strange housemate.

"Sorry. But the fanfic I'm reading is about the different sides of L and it's making me want to convince him that there's more to life than just being robotically emotionless while solving cases…." Jeichan let go of L and pouted, lowering her head as though trying to seem like a scolded dog. The next second her expression grew intense and she clasped her hands together, the color of her eyes like blue flames. "I mean, even Sherlock Holmes found enjoyment in life when not consumed by monotony…."

"Ah…but Sherlock is a fictional…."

Light bit his tongue, halting his sentence as he heard Jeichan's warning 'uh um', he realized her words the second before she began.

"Have you forgotten that in this world both of you are fictional as well? And Sherlock is still the best detective regardless if he's fictional…the character was based on a real person - Joseph Bell, so don't…."

"But I'm not Sherlock…." L tilted his head and brushed his thumb over his lips, eyes glancing at the monitor and scan reading the loaded page. He blinked once, twice, thrice, before he sighed and turned toward the coffee table in the center of the room. "The probability of there being a side of me wanting to pounce on Light-kun and confess desire is not high…."

"But that's just what you think, are you emotionally aware of what you feel? How can you be if you don't express such emotions? Maybe you're not into Light that way, but….but….he's the only one I can ever see you having an interest in….though….maybe there's someone….There's a fanfic I read that put you and Sayu into a sexual situation, I think I could picture that…."

Light glared at Jeichan and then at L, his brown eyes narrowed, lips a thin line as Jeichan's words registered in his head. He felt overwhelmed by…he guessed brotherly protectiveness as the image of his sister and the detective flashed in his imagination.

"What story is that? I demand the name of the author…."

"….ok…." Jeichan flinched at Light's sharp glare, the hardened rage etched in every line and crevice of his face. "I guess hearing the plot of those fanfics is out of the question…." She hid behind L and pushed the detective in front of her. "Help me L, Kira wants to kill me! It's not like I wrote it! Chill out."

"You read it! I will not chill out until you tell me the author and story title…."

"Why, does Light-kun have a perverted fascination for his sister?" Jeichan retorted as she began inching away from L and Light, the next moment smacking her hands over her face. "God! I can't believe I said that! I'm the pervert! Holy hell, holy hell….god, I think I'll have to go blind if I imagine such a thing….it's like picturing Watari and L naked with chocolate syrup and strawberries…."

L's lips opened and shut as he dropped his arm to his side, then stepped away from Jeichan, shaking his head. Hunched forward he ignored both the fan girl and the seething brunette man and returned to the kitchen, his stomach and mind screaming at him to get some sweets. He continued to hear Jeichan's mumbles and could imagine Light's expression as he opened the fridge to get to the cake.

He paused - his eyes zeroing in on the strawberries and Hershey's Syrup.

"Why did she have to put that image in my head?" He frowned, the impulse to strike his head against the fridge door zipped through him.

His stomach growled as he shut the fridge, empty-handed, and turned to the pantry - dark eyes landing on the bag of unopened Reese's peanut butter cups marked with Jeichan's name in black Sharpie. Stomach growling, he picked up the bag and opened it, his legs bringing him to the kitchen table.

Sitting on the chair closest to the doorway, L began unwrapping and consuming the Reese's while he listened to Light and Jeichan's conversation in the living room.

"I'm sick and tired of your perverted thoughts! One week and I already feel like I'm going insane just being around you….it's bad enough you include me and L in your fantasies, but now my sister….I don't even want to think about…."

"But the fic with L and Sayu was just….so interesting, the first part took place during the surveillance and the second one after L introduced himself to you at college…."

'_She's digging herself in deeper and deeper….deep….god, she's starting to make me think like a pervert….okay, focus on the Reese's….'_

"…during the SURVEILLANCE?! What took place during the surveillance?! I demand to know what sort of twisted things you've been reading concerning Sayu!"

"Geez, you're acting like you're her father rather than brother…."

"She's my younger sister!! There's no way I'll let L's perverted fan girls include Sayu in their twisted fantasies!!"

"Geez, it was only voyeurism and solo….though there was oral in the second part…."

Light's lips pursed into a thin line, teeth strongly clenched behind them - his eyes glinted with a fury deadlier than his verbal outbursts. Almost as though trying to smite Jeichan with his glare, he forced eye contact with the fan girl - the next moment he brushed by her and into the kitchen.

"L! I'm going to beat your frickin…."

"Whoa, hold it! It's just a fanfic, don't hurt L…no fighting…." Jeichan wrapped her arms around the enraged Light's torso in her attempt to stop him; she dragged her feet and pulled backwards - biting hard on her bottom lip at the brunette's strength. "Please no…." She peeked at L from behind Light, her mouth halting in mid-formation of a word. Her arms slackened around Light, her eyes widening as she forgot the brunette's rage and stared at L and the wrappers on the table. "….who the HELL said you could eat my Reese's?!"

Light snapped out of his demented rage directed at the detective as Jeichan's words crashed into the kitchen. The yell not hellishly loud, not much above her normal tone yet laced with venom….he cringed as he glanced at her and noted the murderous glint in her blue eyes.

'_Uh….back away, back away….' _Light inhaled and stepped toward the wall, his experience with Jeichan over the past week informing him of the necessity to take cover somewhere. It took a split-second longer to realize her anger, for the first time, was directed at L.

"Um? No one said I could eat them, but they were bought using my credit card, so….there's cake in the fridge if you'd like that…." L, having paused with an unwrapped Reese's at his lips, ate that candy before digging into the bag for another morsel. He seemed oblivious to Jeichan glaring at his back, the fan girl's blazing eyes suddenly turning into ice.

"I did not use your credit card to buy those, I paid for them with my own money."

L paused and placed the candy he'd just took back into the bag, his ears taking in the sudden shift in Jeichan's tone and his brain equating it with those times Light pushed the fan girl too far. "I…I'm sorry? I assumed that…."

"You both assume a lot, don't you? ….I'm keeping your credit card with me tonight and tomorrow, for there will be no more shopping until I decide things need to be restocked."

L paled, mouth hanging open slightly as he visualized the severely limited stock of sweets left - enough for 3 days at the most, if he only ate half his usual amount.

"I apologize…." L stood up and approached Jeichan, lips forming into a frown as he held out the opened bag of Reese's like a peace offering. "You may buy as many bags of Reese's for yourself as you wish with my credit card….thus please reconsider your shopping ban…."

Jeichan stared coldly at the proffered Reese's bag, then at the expression on L's face - a few seconds later she sighed and took the bag. Her lips nearly formed the word 'ok' when she paused and her mind formed a thought which brought a smile to her lips.

"I'll forgive and lift the shopping ban, if….if I can see you and Light make out right now, and take a picture of it with my phone's camera."

L tilted his head as he thought over the stipulation, his black eyes shifting to gaze at Light - the brunette blinked as Jeichan's words registered, his reaction delayed just a nanosecond longer. Light glared at Jeichan and interjected before L could respond.

"Like hell am I kissing L! I don't give a damn if he never gets another sweet, in fact I will relish seeing how miserable that will make him."

Jeichan simply smirked, and then chuckled - her narrow eyes cold.

"Is Light-kun saying he can live on just water indefinitely? Or that he has some way to buy his own food? The shopping ban doesn't just include sweets."

Light pursed his lips and answered Jeichan's glare with his own.

"I just have to take the credit card from you, then I'm the one in control of the money."

Laughter filled the hallway and kitchen as Jeichan doubled over, her chest hurting with the strength of the laugher rushing through her.

"You'll have to figure out where I have it, first. And even if you do, I doubt…."

"It is inadvisable for Light-kun to try stealing the credit card. Over the pass few days I have myself searched for its hiding place, and I discovered that as Jeichan's clothes seldom contain pockets, if she carries it with her it is not in an easy place to pickpocket it from…." L brought his forefinger to his lips, cheeks slightly tinged red as he watched Light's turn his attention from Jeichan to the detective. "And if it is not hidden on her, then it must be either in a hiding place that changes daily or else hidden in a very good hiding spot."

"…." Light glanced at L to Jeichan, then back to L before he closed his eyes and turned around, stalking toward the stairs. "I'll find that credit card even if I have to turn this apartment upside down. I…." He reached the bottom of the stairs as the apartment's doorbell rung, his foot placed on the first step of the staircase. The brunette paused and glanced at the door, it situated a door-length in front of the stairs; before any party could react, the front door swooshed open. "Ah."

Light dodged the door with split-second timing but tripped up the stairs, landing on his back with his arms and legs splayed out.

"Holy crap! Light-kun, are you okay?" Jeichan ran toward the stairs, barely gazing at the person who unceremoniously opened her apartment door. Her blue eyes took in Light's position and the expression on the brunette's face as he recovered and rubbed the back of his head. _'Note to self, keep that image in memory…could come in handy for a doujinshi….' _Stifling her laughter, she held out her hand to help Light up from the stairs, her earlier anger dispersed. "This sort of thing is called karma, right? Anyway…." She turned toward the door, eyes narrowing minutely before she even saw the door-opening culprit. "Who tried slamming the door into my guest? Who's the bozo who…."

Watari stood in the doorway, carrying plastic bags filled with groceries - the sounds from behind him signifying the presence of others accompanying him. Jeichan blinked and tilted her head, her words cut off as her brain tried to compute an appropriate greeting. The brief awkward moment passed when Watari turned to L and stepped further into the apartment - he handed one of the bags to L when the detective reached.

'_Watari…and L….' _Jeichan's gaze shifted to the bag in Watari's right hand, the clear plastic allowing her to see its contents. _'and…cool-whip? What about the strawberries…?'_

"I can't believe I just thought that, holy hell! Holy hell!" Jeichan slapped her hands over her face, cheeks hot as the images flooded her brain. She shook her head, trying to throw the thought into oblivion; her outburst caused Watari and L to both pause, with the detective's expression briefly exhibiting aversion.

'_God, now she put that image back in my thoughts….I better focus on something else until she cools down….' _L sighed and rummaged through the bag he held blindly, his hand grabbing hold of a medium size box. His attention briefly averted to Watari introducing himself to Jeichan, he didn't glance at the box until he'd fully removed it from the bag.

It was a box of Twinkies.

Silence extended its presence into the room as Light's, Jeichan's, and L's attentions locked on the box; the moment drawn out as they shifted their eyes to each other's faces.

"Um, Ryuza…."

"Oh my god! Now it's Watari giving his Twinkie to L!! Holy….and he has cool-whip too and…." Jeichan suddenly fell silent as the image of Watari and L with strawberries, chocolate syrup and cool-whip filled every crevice of her conscious thought; the silence remained a brief second longer until she fell onto the stairs, chest heaving with laughter.

"Um…Ryuzaki, what is…?"

"You do not want to know. Trust me, Watari, you do not want to know."

0

"Ah, so I see. You have been staying here since you suddenly found yourself in this dimension or world…." Watari nodded as he listened to the detective's brief synopsis of the past week, and placed a tray of sweets on the computer desk next to L. "Soon after your arrival, Yagami-kun showed up….I see, you remained here in order to keep an eye on Yagami-kun, just in case, right?"

"Yes. Though this world doesn't seem to have such things as Shinigami or death notes, if there's allowance for foreign entities from other dimensions to enter this realm, then who's to say a Shinigami cannot?"

"I'm relieved I was able to track you through use of that credit card. Though I must say I'm surprised it worked in this realm….if it's true our world is fictional in this one, why would the credit card work?"

"Precisely. There's something that must be affecting things, some power or being with unknown objectives…." L unwrapped a chocolate ball, briefly thanking fate that Jeichan wasn't there, otherwise he might have to deal with her perverted take on the word 'ball'. "It seems that in order for members of our realm to enter this one, they must first die. Which means Light-kun's presence here is preferable to him not being here, while having Mello and Matt…." The detective frowned and sighed, recalling how he felt when he'd seen that the ones who arrived with Watari were two fellow orphans - one of which he'd hoped would be his successor. "I guess I should be grateful that Near has not arrive yet in this world."

"Yes, that…."

"L!! Watari!! Get this girl away from us!!" Mello shouted as the apartment door opened, his scarred face livid and framed by his blond hair. "She keeps…."

"Come on! Just one photo of you and Matt kissing! Please? Pretty please with whip-cream and fudge on top? Come on!" Jeichan's voice cut through Mello's, her Blackberry phone in her right hand, a bag holding two 2 liters of Diet Pepsi hooked on her left arm. "I'm letting you all stay in my apartment, the least you can do is allow me to take a picture of some sweet boy love! I'm mean….I nearly had L agree to kiss Light by refusing to buy any more sweets if he didn't, but then you all had to interrupt….it's no fair!"

"I don't care that….wait, L almost agreed to kiss Kira? What the f---"

"Jeichan, shut up about your yaoi crap, there's no way in hell that I'm kissing L!" Light's voice crashed in from upstairs, the interjection muffled slightly by the sound of the shower behind the brunette. "So shut up, I'm trying to relax!"

"….relax?…in the shower?…." Jeichan blinked, glanced down at her phone, then peeked up the stairs so she saw Light glaring down from behind the half-wall that acted as a brief railing for the stairs. The brunette's chest was uncovered and shiny with moisture, water dripping from his hair. "If you were L instead of Light standing like that, I think I'd take some pictures right now and post them online…if I only knew how to use eBay…." She stared up at Light, then glanced at her Blackberry, then back up at Light.

"Oh? I bet I give much more of a photo worthy impression this moment than L ever could." Light smirked as he caught Jeichan's stare, inclining his head in a way he knew would send women's hearts racing. His tried-and-true methods telling him to flirt, his pride filling him with confidence than no woman could resist him.

"You know, Light, you're making me wish I was L right now so I could ravish you. Or perhaps Mikami…." Suddenly Jeichan's eyes lit up and her lips twisted into a lavish smirk. "Imagine if I had power over Kira…able to force him to do everything I wish….punish him…torture…." She started to cackle, her expression showing traces of a wildness kin to any of Kira's. One foot lifted and placed up a step, she watched as Light backed away and reentered the bathroom, locking the door. The next moment she leaned against the stair railing, trying her hardest to stifle her laughter.

Behind her Mello and Matt stared at her, disbelief etched onto their faces.

"I think we just witnessed proof of the insanity of our hostess."

"Nope, you're wrong. I'm normal, it's everyone else who's crazy…." Jeichan pushed herself up from the railing and stretched, grin reaching from ear to ear. It faltered briefly at the looks on Mello and Matt's faces. "Okay, maybe I'm a bit - a big bit - sugar hyper right now….but that's your fault, you gave me blue pixie-stix! Anything blue-raspberry flavored makes me more hyper than ordinary sugar! Now I want to act like Sakuma-san from Gravitation!! Vroom!"

Mello and Matt watched silently as Jeichan pushed by them, arms spread like an airplane, and entered the living room. They glanced at each other as the fan girl stopped right beside L and clamped herself to the detective's arm.

"L-chan! I think you should cosplay as Kumagoro! That'll be cuuuute!"

"Jeichan, I think you should settle down and do something that doesn't require driving us crazy…."

"Do you know, I just thought of something. I call you L-chan, and I have each of you calling me Jeichan, which is pronounced the same as J-chan….I just find that interesting. Now we only need a K - which could be Kira - to be sandwiched between us and…." Jeichan paused, thought a moment, then exclaimed. "I'm so jealous! If I were a guy I could have my own yaoi with you, I wouldn't need to imagine you and Light! Ah, goddamn, I wish my incubus would show up…."

Sighing after that random statement, Jeichan left L's side and laid down on the couch, her pursed lips lending a strange silence to the room.

-

A/N: So many more characters have shown up…I wonder who else should I bring into this story? Maybe someone who sided with Light? Or perhaps a Shinigami? It seems I might try developing a plot to this humor fic….(For some reason my aversion to Light because he caused L's death has slowly developed into a strange attraction….probably because of all the L/Light yaoi fics I read….)

This chapter includes references to other fanfics I've read, the first one being The 12 Sides of L by Viciada desde 2005 on fanfiction dot net, and the second (which contains 2 fics by the same author) Boredom and No Longer Bored by Siriusgirl19 on adultfanfiction dot net.

This chapter is also the first to directly reference other anime beside Death Note. The reference is to Gravitation and Kumagoro (who is a pink bunny plusie carried around by Ryuichi Sakuma who's Japanese voice actor is the same as L's Japanese voice actor, for those of you who didn't know)


	3. Chapter 3

Dropped in a Fangirl's World

Chapter 3

Drowsy blue eyes opened partway as a strange noise and presence robbed Jeichan of sleep and pulled her back into consciousness. The clock blinked 3:41AM, her vision suffering from the onslaught of deep shadow without the aid of moonlight sneaking through the blinds. And the natural blurriness of vision that comes to recently awakened eyes did not help. The strange sound came again and it took a few moments of blinking before Jeichan could clearly see the culprit.

Above her a pale face surrounded by straggly black hair, and two deep dark eyes with a wild glint seemed to float in the heavy shadows. It took her a moment to comprehend that the window blinds were un-habitually drawn shut. The face above dived closer, a mere inch above hers and she felt the presence of two arms and legs straddling her.

"Holy. . . ." A pale, cool hand pressed down on her mouth, her words unable to escape. The wild eyes glinted crimson and the thin lips smirked. Outside the wind blew against the window and a sharp chill raced up her spine.

Attached to the face was a thin figure dressed in a long sleeved white shirt and blue jeans - a familiar appearance but an unfamiliar person. Jeichan swallowed as the wild - nearly crazed - face studied her; the next moment she picked up her L plushie and swung it against the person.

Once the hand faltered over her mouth at the onslaught, she bit down on it and kicked and pushed. However she did not scream, and merely glared at the figure as he fell off the bed while dodging one of her kicks. She listened to the silence of the apartment, inwardly cursing at L's decision to rent the whole apartment block and thus leaving her alone in hers.

"Damn it, B. I was sleeping."

"I see those others are not here. They have their own apartments thanks to _him_."

Jeichan glared and made an annoyed sound as the man sat down at the end of her bed, his crouch reminiscent of L's. Two days ago she had discovered B sneaking around the park just across the main street of the apartment complex; her evening walk bestowing upon her this treasured gift.

Or should she say treacherous? Since keeping B's presence a secret from the others - especially L - proved stressful. As well as like some sort of betrayal.

"Are you disappointed that you can't ravage L? You sore sadist."

"Hey. Like you mentioned the other night, put mine and that detective's code letters together and you get BL." B sniggered as Jeichan stretched and sat up on the mattress, his long arms wrapped around his knees. "I like it that I naturally come first in something. B and L - BL - Boy's Love."

"Guess that means you'll be seme and L uke." Jeichan yawned and scratched her head absentmindedly. The images quickly flooded in with her words, and her cheeks pinked briefly; she licked her lips then swallowed. "Picturing you and L is definitely better than L and Light - if you're in the picture I can clearly see L as a cute little uke."

"How about Watari and L?" B smirked as Jeichan first clamped her hands over her ears and then changed it to over her eyes. "With whip cream and -"

"Stop it, B. I can't believe I ever let you read the fanfic I wrote based on this. I haven't even let the others do so. God, why did I ever allow you -"

"What about Twinkies? Can't I have L's Twinkie? Or should I give him mine?" Next to B Jeichan clamped her hands over her mouth to muffle her laughter - being too noisy so late would definitely attract their neighbor's attentions.

"How about both? Do a sixty-nine. Maybe get Light to join you."

"That would be interesting . . . ." B's stomach growled and then his eyes narrowed. He turned to face Jeichan, bringing his face once again to within an inch of Jeichan's. "You need more sweets. There's only salad downstairs."

"Jeez, I'm trying to lose weight. Besides, L took all the candies and stuff with him when he and Watari moved into the neighboring apartment. I'll buy more the next time I go shopping." She yawned again and curled up into a ball beside B. The next second he pounced on her, pulling her arms behind her back as he glared enraged down at her.

The growl issuing from his stomach broke the angry air.

Jeichan grinned, about to laugh and give B the answer of 'go to sleep' when the man held out a card. He held it close enough in front of her eyes for her to read it despite the shadows.

"I say we go now." B chuckled as Jeichan's lips parted as she recognized the credit card she had swiped from L. The next second she reddened and stammered.

"Where - when - what - how - you - you. . . ." She gaped and then glanced toward her room's closed door, picturing the hallway closet set not far from it. Inside there she had hidden it in a place where many men would be embarrassed to search through, and had hidden it well.. "You searched through the maxi pads? Holy fuck! And I hid it inside one of them -"

"Hahaha. You should not underestimate me. You're dealing with the culprit behind the Wara Ningyo murders. If I can deal with setting myself on fire, I can deal reaching into a package of woman's maxi pads."

" . . . . Maybe I should've hid it among the used ones then."

" . . . ." B's face faltered and he scrunched up his nose, dark eyes glaring into blue. "I believe I've just lost my appetite. That is just great." He grumbled and slipped the credit card into his pocket.

"Maaan, after all the post-mortem mutilation you did you find that disgusting? Of course I think it disgusting myself, but still - chopping off limbs and such is not?"

"The mutilation of bodies that I did, did not include that part of the anatomy. And I am going back to the other room to sleep now." He growled and slid off the bed, his dark lined eyes shifting to where the L plushie now lay on the floor after falling from Jeichan's arms. Glowering at the plushie he picked it up and studied it with disgust, his lips pressed firmly together and his eyes glinting with anger. "It is highly inconsiderate to have plushies of L but not of me. I nearly defeated him after all, if only Misora hadn't gotten smart…."

"No, you just stupidly mentioned something you should not have known to her. If you hadn't then she wouldn't have figured it out in time to prevent you from burning to death." Jeichan sighed and sat up on the bed, back against the wall. Outside the faint light of dawn was approaching and she studied the brightening world through the window - there was no way she'd get back to sleep. "The stores won't open for another few hours, and I don't know how advisable it would be to have you tag along shopping, so give me back the credit card and go do whatever…."

"No…."

"B…."

"I'm tired of hiding. It…it infuriates me how L has probably not even thought about me, hasn't even consider that I could be here too…." B grumbled, tossing the plushie onto the bed, his expression a mixture of wild fury and a pout.

"Sheesh….You're just too cute looking like that. Ok, we can go hang out somewhere today…maybe Dairy Queen or Friendly's, or an all-you-can-eat buffet with an all-you-can-eat dessert bar….." Jeichan muttered, her lips holding a slight smile at the corners.

"What the…? An all-you-can-eat dessert bar? There's a place like that nearby? Where?" B straddled Jeichan once again, his face mere centimeters from hers. "Why did you wait this long to mention it?"

"Give me back the credit card and I'll bring you there. Also…." Jeichan grinned evilly, holding out her hand until B complied. "You should feel special, I haven't even told L about the all-you-can-eat place yet….he still owes me for eating my Reese's."

0

"Ah….Mello, not there! No….wait!"

"No, I can't wait any longer."

"No, they'll hear…you can't….ah!"

"Shut up, Matt, you're making this sound like a porno." Mello seethed, eyes narrowed as the TV screen flashed a huge 'Game Over' sign, swarms of blood-sucking aliens feasting on the RPG's main character. Matt groaned beside him mumbling how he had to sneak around the aliens in order to pass this part of the game, and that getting caught meant an automatic game over. "Play it yourself then!"

"But this is the boring part, I want to save myself for the big boss character right after this." Matt whined while grabbing the controller from the blond's hands, lips twitching with a concealed grin as he watched Mello catch onto what he said. The nineteen year old turned and glared at the red haired gamer.

"What do you mean 'saving yourself for' the big boss? Are you trying to sound perverted? Or have you been hanging around Jeichan too long?" Mello tore open the wrapper of the nearest chocolate bar and chomped down on it while he grumbled, ignoring Matt as the teen restarted the game using the save file to a higher level. Monsters swarmed Matt's character the moment the level began and he began tearing through their numbers gleefully.

"If you've interpreted that as perverted- holy hell, DIE! Argh! - that quickly, I think you're - Oh no you don't, die! Die! - the one hanging around Jeichan too long." Matt leaned forward toward the screen, jabbing the controller buttons at expert gamer speeds and cursing the enemies out, all while continuing his conversation with Mello. He glanced at the blond briefly from the corner of his eye, turning back to the game as Mello lifted a soda can to his lips. "…though I'm ready for you to take me anytime, Mello."

Beside Matt, Mello sputtered and choked on his soda, face turning red from being unable to breathe and embarrassment at the red-haired gamer's unexpected words.

"Hahahahaha! Whoa, your face! Hahaha!" Matt dropped the controller as laughter ripped through him at Mello's response, the alien zombies ripping apart his character on the game screen. "Its all red…priceless! Oh, hahaha…."

Mello face reddened further as anger replaced his initial embarrassment and his fist tightened around the soda can, crushing it. The next second he lunged with a snarl, knocking the heaving with laughter red-haired gamer to the floor.

"Stop, Mello, you're too rough! Go…Get yourself off -." Matt pushed against the blond, pausing in his laughter briefly before realizing the unintentional perversity of his words. His face reddened deeper than Mello's, who froze for a moment before throwing another readied fist at Matt's twisted form. "Holy hell, I meant get off of me. Ah! I didn't mean…it's not my fault…Jeichan's been corrupting me! Agh."

"Go stay with Jeichan then! Why did I agree to share an apartment with you anyway? So annoying, waking me all hours of the night with your stupid requests to play….tiring me out with your…."

"….interesting…." Mello and Matt froze at the unexpected voice interrupting their solitude and the soft click of the door as it closed. "You two being here must mean I have died….I began to wonder…."

"What the…" Mello and Matt turned toward the intruder, eyes roaming over the shoulder length white-blond hair and the slender body clothed in a stark white shirt and pants. Dark gray eyes stared back at them as the interloper twirled a strand of hair with his right forefinger and thumb. "…NEAR?"

"Yeah….it's been a while, Mello, Matt….I….."

"What are you doing here? Did you die? But….you look older….." Matt pushed Mello off of him and sat up, goggled eyes absorbing the used-to-be-same-age fellow orphan's appearance: the child-like Near had grown in height and possessed a less delicate, more wary facial expression, and an aura only age or experience could bestow. "How…?"

"….it doesn't seem those who take the mantle of 'L' can make it past the age of thirty. I just celebrated by twenty-seventh birthday last week, and now…." Near glanced around the apartment living room, then headed to the nearest chair and sat down in it, one leg pulled close to his chest, the other hung loosely so that it touched the floor.

"Maaan. That blows. So what sort of criminal killed you off?" Matt asked without hesitation, missing Mello's sharp glare but noting the yellow-blond teen's disguised interest in Near's response.

Near's cheeks pinked and he abruptly looked downwards at the floor with a sudden darkened expression. His lips firmly pressed together, he studied the floor as he considered how to respond. He sensed his fellow orphans' eagerness to hear his reply, and knew they'd just continue to pester him even if he pointed out it was a morbid topic.

Still studying the floor, he slowly shook his head, the pink on his cheeks fading though he felt no less abashed. He listened to Matt's intake of breath as the gamer misinterpreted his head shake and began to protest, quickly cutting him off with a crisp reply.

"Criminals didn't kill me….an earthquake and a tower of Rubik's cubes did."

Silence filled the room while Mello and Matt merely blinked, then gaped as what he said sunk in. The next moment laughter fit to wake the dead filled the apartment.


	4. Chapter 4

Dropped in a Fangirl's World

Chapter 4

"Whaat? Explain that again, please?"

"…I was passing time in between cases building a castle out of rubik's cubes, while I was building the tower there was an earthquake…." Near briefly glanced around the room before shifting his gaze back to the strands of hair he was twirling around his fingers. In front of him to his right Jeichan raised her hand, an incredulous expression on her face and a spark of humor in her eyes. Near ignored her. "…I fell off the ladder and ended up unconscious and buried beneath the cubes…."

"….so because of the latter you were puzzled to death…." Jeichan muttered before backing away behind the annoyed glares of his guests. "I know, I know, no punning. Though if a tower of puzzles fell on top of him, I could say Near was literally puzzled to death…."

"….Jeichan, no more punning, riddle, or joke books for you…." Light, exasperated, shook his head and then sat down on the couch, his expression closed in thought. _'Damn, if I could get back to the death note universe, I could be Kira again….no one could stand in my way….'_

"….now that I've explained how I died for the umpteenth time, can someone explain to me why Kira is allowed to roam free here?" Near followed Light's every movement with narrowed eyes, the gray irises shining with a mixture of wariness and intrigue. While on their way to L's apartment, Mello and Matt had filled him in on the bizarre reality that their world was a fictional manga in this one, and as that information processed through his brain, Near had noticed Light. That first second a chill raced up his spine and left behind a nagging feeling of danger that only intensified with each passing moment.

"….that….um….." Matt glanced over to Mello, whose face briefly held surprise that the scarred blond quickly schooled. The red-haired gamer studied his fellow orphan as Mello shrugged and motioned towards L - his nonverbal reply easy to understand: _'Don't know, ask L. ' _

L chewed on his thumbnail, head tilted slightly and black eyes frowning. He sighed and replied before Near turned to him for an answer.

"I have Yagami-kun under surveillance already. There are cameras in his apartment and a tracking device in his watch that also has a pulse monitor to show if it is actually being worn. Further, his apartment is right next door to mine and Watari's…."

"…I guess that is okay then. It would be better if we could have him followed…."

"I already follow him everywhere he goes outside his apartment." L replied while Light glared at him. The detective noticed his nemesis's angry eyes and turned toward the brunet. "Does Yagami-kun have something to say?"

"…there's no need for you to stalk me everywhere. Death notes and Shinigami don't exist in this world."

"Under normal circumstances, I'd agree with your logic, Yagami-kun, but as we are supposed to be nothing but fictional characters in this world….our presence here means it's possible that Shinigami, and their death notes, can enter this world as well." L scratched his left foot with his right as he spoke, then reached for his cup of tea on the small table beside the couch. He sipped some of the amber liquid, his dark eyes watching Light as the man stared back at him. L could tell that Light wished to retort, but couldn't think of a counterargument.

"….Um…." Jeichan interrupted, her hands folded behind her head as she gave them a quizzical look, her head tilted to the side. "I have a theory…maybe you all are just figments of my imagination grown so powerful that it's manifesting itself in reality?"

Five pairs of eyes stared at her, some intrigued, others incredulous. About two seconds passed before Light raised an eyebrow, studying her closely. "…So, you're saying maybe we're just your hallucinations?"

"…possibly….or maybe…." Jeichan began, only to be cut off by Light, as the brunet shook his head.

"Sorry, but I feel too real to be an hallucination."

"….well, maybe you're extensions of myself manifested into my conscious reality….maybe this whole world is just an extension of my unconscious mind affecting the conscious world…."

"….Ok….Sorry but I don't believe in solipsism…."

"Of course it wouldn't matter what you believe, since you'd be just a part of my unconscious that doubts that my consciousness is the only consciousness in existence…."

"…..you've been reading wikipedia's philosophy pages again, haven't you?" L interrupted as he placed his finished cup of tea on the table, then proceeded to pour out another cup of the amber liquid.

"Of course, I have to do something to occupy my time. And since none of you seem keen on providing me with entertaining scenes of sexy boy love, I'm stuck with using only my imagination…."

"Oh, god…please keep me out of your imagination." Mello grimaced, shuddering as Jeichan tilted her head in thought.

"No can do….there's almost nothing I keep out of my imagination…." She grinned, while her eyes followed L and Light. "Though….if you help me get a photo of L and Light handcuffed together, I'll consider trying to delete you from my imagination….."

"…..you dare try to get me into handcuffs, I'll destroy all your fan fiction….." Light growled, eyes narrowed and arms crossed.

Before Jeichan could retort with a counter-threat, the cell-phone in her pocket vibrated; she sighed as she checked it, her thoughts still focused on the brunet. _'AH! It's B…..I'd forgotten I'm supposed to meet him now…..'_

"Um…." Near twirled a strand of his white-blond hair between his fingers and gazed around the room. "….now that things are settled with the surveillance of Kira….who's in charge of shopping? I need some toys….."

"….toys…." Jeichan glanced up from her cell-phone, in midst of sending B a text; her lips pressed together to drown back the giggling threatening to escape. "…..what kind of toys?"

"At the very least a….." Near began, either not observing or dismissing the fan-girl's grin as simply being strange; he blinked the next second as Light interrupted.

"Not the kind of toys you're thinking of, Jeichan….." The brunet glared at the fan-girl, the next second rubbing his right temple to chase away a headache.

"Oh? And just what kind of toys am I thinking of?" Jeichan asked in a sweet, innocent sounding voice, her hands held behind her back; she leaned forward and smiled as Light shook his head.

"….your kind of toys - the fruity ones….."

"I….um…..well, I would respond to that with a corny joke, but…." Jeichan blinked then closed her mouth for a few seconds in thought. "….god, even my subconscious is perverted….I just thought of a yaoi anime I watched a few years ago where the seme used a cob of corn to…."

"Ok, moving on…." Mello interrupted, ignoring Jeichan's fake pout. The next moment the fan-girl shrugged and returned to her cell-phone; reading B's most recent text.

- 'I'm at the bus stop, when the hell are you going to be here? -

'In a minute, in a minute….we were talking about Near and his toys…..' She texted back, ignoring those around her as they settled on a non-perverted topic.

- '….so even he's here now?' -

'Yep, and wait until you hear how he died…..'

0

B chewed on his thumbnail as he listened to Jeichan's account of Near's death, his lips twitching.

"….that's the most pathetic death….though," B paused, glancing at Jeichan while she glanced down the street to check if the bus was approaching. "…at least he died getting some good vibrations…."

"Vibra….oh, god….B, I think we should stay away from the gutter until after the buffet…."

"….I couldn't resist."

"Yeah, like Near can't resist playing with his toys."

"….or Matt with his joystick."

Jeichan blinked and stared at B. "…..I think it's Mello's department to mess with Matt and his joystick…."

"…..I thought you wanted to stay away from the gutter?"

"Impossible. My mind LIVES in the gutter….."

"….I think your mind passed the gutter at birth….."

"That is probably true….."

B glanced down the road, crouched over in his white shirt and the bondage pants Jeichan gave him to wear until she could wash his jeans. He blinked and turned back toward the fan-girl. "You know…..if you put my and your initials together, you'd get a…."

"Not in public, B."

"…J."

"You had to go there, didn't you?"

"Of course." The black-haired man paused, tracing the edges of the bus shelter with a pale forefinger. His eyes narrowed slightly. "….when's the bus supposed to get here?"

"Any second now."

"Make it come faster."

"…..you're telling someone whose mind is perpetually lost in the gutter to make a twinkie-shaped object come faster? Oi…"

"…..do you think it's cream-filled?"

"Oh, god, B! I know I'm having trouble coming up with jokes for this fanfic, but this is…."

"It's not like you're trying to keep it PG rated….." B scratched the back of his leg with his foot, and pulled at the chains on his pants. "…..I'm bored."

"You're beyond bored….." Jeichan grinned as B glared at her, the next second changing to a singsong voice. "Bored Beyond Birthday, Bored Beyond Birthday, oh Bored, oh Bored, oh Bored Beyond Birthday…."

"….Do you wanna die?"

"With pleasure." Jeichan paused and pulled at her bottom lip. "Does that make me a masochist? Wanting to die with pleasure?"

"That….words just can't describe…."

"The taste of your -" Jeichan froze and slapped her hands over her face. "Holy hell, my mind's censor board has completely broken down….."

"…..what were you about to say? Seriously. Have you ever actually tasted my…."

"Go to hell, B."

"….if I can come with L, certainly."

Jeichan glared at B and punched him on the arm, lips pursed as he smirked. "Let's get one thing straight….."

"….there's a joke coming, but I'm not touching it." The dark-eyed man tilted his head before side-glancing at Jeichan through the thick strands of his black hair. "….I thought you didn't like 'em straight?"

"….I thought you weren't going to touch it?"

"I changed my mind…..oh, there's the bus coming around the loop…."

"….." Jeichan's eyes widened. "I am not touching that. Not touching that."

"…..I don't think I wanna know." B muttered as the bus turned onto back onto the main road and approached them.

"Time to board the twinkie-shaped bus." Jeichan laughed as the bus stopped in front of them, the door sliding open. Behind her B blinked.

"…if you'll touch that, what is it you won't touch?" The dark-haired criminal asked as they paid their fare and found a seat by a window in the back.

"The loophole of my insanity."

"….?"

"When you said 'loop' the first thing I thought was 'hole'. Now replace the 'word' loop with 'hole' and…."

"….and bus with twinkie, right?"

"WOW! Your perversity level is beyond mine. 'The twinkie is coming around the hole'….is it still a Freudian Slip if you say it deliberately?"

"I have no idea…..look up Freudian Slit online…."

"….Oi! You did that on purpose!"

"Butt, of course."

"….I think we both need a chill pill." Jeichan breathed in deeply and leaned back on her seat, stretching out her legs, while next to her B balanced with one foot on the seat, knee pulled to his chest, and one foot remaining on the floor.

"That I agree with - you both need to stop it with the perversity." L's monotone voice spoke from behind them, causing them to jump; the detective paused and tapped his lip as Jeichan and B turned around.

"Holy hell, when did you get there?" Jeichan asked before completely turning around to observe the detective; the next second she blinked and her lips parted as she saw what L wore. "…..you're wearing one of my hoodies and pair bondage pants….."

"Of course. I wouldn't follow you while wearing my usual clothes…."

"But….but how did you….why would you follow….?"

"For the all-you-can-eat dessert, of course. You're not leaving me out of that…." L leaned forward, bringing his legs onto the bus seat so that he sat in his customary crouch, the chains of the bondage pants he wore jangling.

B snarled silently at the detective, his narrowed eyes glaring the next second at Jeichan beside him. "….you told him or let it slip somehow, didn't you?"

"Absolutely not. I….I was waiting until he agreed to kiss Light with tongue before I told him….." Jeichan blinked, the next second shaking her head, her lips parted slightly; her face lit up considerably as realization struck her. "…..you read my fanfic. The one based on this….."

"That is correct. I was bored yesterday, and the internet wasn't working….so I scanned through your fanfics on your computer." L paused, watching the two closely with his dark eyes; his expression between a glower and a pout. "…..were you seriously going to leave me out of an all-you-can-eat buffet and dessert bar?"

"Grrr…..this is supposed to be a treat for me. Stay out of this." B glared at the detective, his black-pupil eyes slits. His fists clenched tightly around the side of the bus seat, enough to whiten his already pale fingers.

"But it's being paid for with my credit card….."

"….Then go make-out with Kira and have Jeichan bring you another day."

L tilted his head in thought, his lips forming a pout; that is until a second later when an idea flashed through his thoughts. Without warning, except for a glance at Jeichan to make sure the fan-girl was watching, he grabbed B's shirt collar and pressed his lips against B's.

"AH! Kyaaaaa! BL! Yaaa!" Jeichan squealed, her heart pounding intensely as she recorded the scene in her thoughts, too overwhelmed to snap a photo with her phone.

"….I believe Jeichan now agrees I should go to the buffet as well." L broke the kiss, and turned toward Jeichan, who nodded vigorously in assent; beside her B blinked and fell from his seat. "B?"

"….I…..I…."

"…..I think you've put him in shock….."


	5. Chapter 5

**Dropped in a Fangirl's World**

**Chapter 5**

"….I think you put him into shock…."

"I didn't mean to…" L tilted his head at B lying in the aisle of the bus, catatonic. Chewing at his thumbnail, he gazed down and deftly reached out his foot to jab B in the shoulder. No response.

"You think he's dead?" Jeichan asked as L tried again to rouse the black-haired criminal and once more got no response.

"B, I know you're faking…."

"Yeah, get up before we poke you with L's stick."

The detective blinked, his dark eyes focused on the fangirl. "Please refrain from stick or Twinkie jokes, Jeichan."

"Aw, but I bet B would love it."

"My stick is not up for discussion…." L replied in his monotone, the next moment taking off his shoe and poking B's face with his big toe. He blinked and frowned at Jeichan's sudden laughter. He slowly turned to the fangirl as she peeked over the seat.

"Are you sure it's not up? After that kiss?"

"You're incorrigible. I do not have that sort of desire for B, nor for Kira, I….." L froze and closed his mouth, the pallid skin of his cheeks taking on a scarlet tinge.

Jeichan's eyes widened into large circles as the detective abruptly threw himself toward the window and pulled his bare foot protectively against him. His cheeks tomato-red, he glared at his copycat grinning from the bus floor. "Stay away from my foot, B!"

"C'mon, I only got to lick it a few times, let me give it a good suck…."

Jeichan's eyes widened further, then flitted from L to B and back to L. Her fujoshi mind on overload, she could barely speak except to ask 'Eh-?' The next second she choked on the laughter she struggled to hold back.

"It was only….you had it right in my face, what was I supposed to do?"

"My feet are my feet, keep away from them, B." L growled his cheeks still red.

Sitting in the aisle, the dark haired criminal tittered, noticing that his words had the expected effect on the fangirl, yet he blinked at the detective's reaction and the unexpected blush on those usually colorless cheeks. B tilted his head, then froze. The idea crashed into his thoughts like an unanticipated birthday surprise.

"Don't tell me that….that that did….." B stammered, blinking at the same pace as his halting words. The sight of the detective hunched against the window, knees raised protectively against his chest, and the scarlet cheeks that refused to fade back to white, jolted B from the fog of mere humor. "Are you…aroused?!"

A strong, deliberate kick was L's only response.

O

Jeichan splashed water on her face and stared into the mirror, trying to control her laughter and prevent her own cheeks from reddening.

'_I can't believe L's weakness is his feet….B just licked them and – wow!'_ The fangirl clamped her hands over her mouth and nose, and took in a few deep breaths. It wouldn't be fitting to break out in giggles the moment she left the restroom. The fact that L's kicking B almost got them kicked off the bus strengthened her resolve to behave at least remotely civilized.

Though the fact that quickly upon entering the buffet, B dragged L into the men's restroom threatened to give Jeichan a fangasm. The idea that B was trying to help L with his unexpected arousal kept Jeichan from being able to rein in her fantasies.

"There's no way I can do this. No way can I see them and not ask…." Jeichan jerked forward as something scratched her neck, sending a jolt through her spine. Touching the spot on the back of her neck that felt the scratch, she grabbed the object; her stomach strangely filled with butterflies.

Her thoughts jumbled from perversity, she observed the object as though from a distance, her mind filled with fog. The next second she gaped at the mirror, crinkling up the scrap of paper slowly in her hand.

"Heh heh, nice to meet you. Now how about getting me some apples?"

"You have got to be kidding…."

O

"Why did you pull me into the restroom with you?" L rounded on B as he exited what seemed to be the only locking stall in the men's restroom.

"You seriously wanted to sit through the buffet with a hard…."

"That's not what I….I would've found the restroom by myself ok, you didn't have to tag along."

"But it'll give Jeichan something to fantasize and torture herself over, desperately wanting to know what happened between us in the restroom."

"….nothing happened or is going to happen between us. Now, let's get back to the dessert buffet…." L blinked as he was suddenly tackled by B and pinned to the floor. Facedown. "B…."

"Oh, come on, you barely made a sound in the stall – you can't expect me to be satisfied and let you go." B whined with a smile, the next moment sucking on the detective' neck while covering his mouth.

L scowled and attempted to bite B's hand or kick him, the dark haired murderer's assault on his neck more irritating than arousing. B simply chuckled.

L froze and pursed his lips to stifle back his gasp as B trailed a finger along the underside of his foot. The sensitive appendage was bare and unprotected beneath the menacing man's fingers.

"B….stop it." L's monotone was steady though his cheeks reddened considerably.

"I can't believe your feet were your weak spot this whole time. It makes me want to kick myself for not discovering it sooner."

"B…" L shivered as B's rough fingers massaged his foot, his mind suddenly blank. The next second his growling stomach broke through his haze and he kicked B. "I said stop. It's time for the all-you-can-eat buffet…."

"But all_ I _want to eat is you…."

L swiftly pushed B off him with a well-placed kick to the groin. The dark haired pervert curled up in pain and cursed, unable to prevent the detective from leaving the restroom.

O

"Ryuk?! Why? How?" Jeichan turned around and stared at the shinigami, her mind reaching the danger zone of disbelief.

"Hyuk. Well, I'm under no obligation to explain things, but….you've been amusing these past few weeks so, I'll answer a few questions." The shinigami grinned.

"….ah, ok. So why are you here?"

"Because it's interesting." Ryuk replied, his expression asking 'did you really need to ask that question?'

"That was a waste of a question…." Jeichan mumbled and sighed. "All right. How can you exist in this world where you're only an anime character?

"That….I can't answer."

"…..what good is it asking you questions if the answers don't explain anything?"

"None whatsoever." Ryuk grinned and flew to the ceiling then back down, placing his feet on the linoleum floor and tucking in his shinigami wings. "Ok. I'm done answering questions. Time to get me some apples."

"….I'm under no obligation to get you apples."

"I'll just write your name in my death note then."

"Go ahead. I've got nothing better to do." Jeichan replied dryly, leaning against the sink.

"…..are you serious?"

"….are you trying to blackmail me? Yes you are, so yes I'm serious." Jeichan stared up at the shinigami, watching as he paused with his pen poised over his open death note. "Now, though it seems I've gotten my own harem of yaoi fodder, I am no closer to getting to watch them go at it since I met them. So, if you want apples either give me a better explanation of how and why you're here or hand me a yaoi-note if such exists."

"….yaoi notes don't exist." Ryuk began, holding back his grin until Jeichan shrugged her shoulders in a 'can't help you' gesture. "However, the death note can only kill people while they're in their original world. It can still control them though if you write in their names."

"…." Jeichan blinked and tapped her lip. "So yaoi notes don't technically exist, but I can use a regular death note to influence those who are not in their original worlds by its powers without killing them?"

"Yep. Of course the other rules are the same. If it isn't something the person would normally do, it won't happen."

"So, I can't write all their names in the death note and have them act out scenes from the Rocky Horror Picture Show unless they've thought of it before?"

"….why would you wanna do that?"

"I don't know. It's the first thing that popped into my head."

"Do you always follow the ideas that pop into your head?

"Only if they take me somewhere fun, otherwise I hate following anything."

"….." Ryuk blinked and tilted his head; a second later he shrugged and held out the death note. "If you want this, get me some apples."

"Why don't you sneak some from the buffet? I'm sure they have sliced apples somewhere in the fruit section."

"….I already ate them all."

"…..seriously?"

"Yep."

"….." Jeichan sighed, her next words cut off by the sound of agitated and alarmed voices outside the restroom. The fangirl blinked, the next second shaking away the idea she'd optimistically locked inside.

'_Please don't tell me that L and B raided the dessert bar to an extreme….'_

As Jeichan approached the door, it swung open, and in hurried the raven-haired detective.

"This is the women's restroom, you know!"

"Jeichan, we need to get back to the others."

"Why? What happened?"

"I think there may be a shinigami around – all the apples are gone and the person in charge of bringing them out has died of a heart attack…."

"….." Seconds passed as Jeichan grasped for what to say, her every heartbeat marking the fear and excitement of L turning toward Ryuk. The shinigami's laughter exasperated that feeling. _'Ryuk….hey. Why doesn't L…._' "Oh." She mouthed as Ryuk danced in front of L with the detective not flinching. _'Of course, L never touched a death note belonging to Ryuk. He can't see the shinigami.'_

"Come on, we need to hurry back. I already paid the bill for the buffet." L grabbed Jeichan's arm, causing the fangirl to flinch before following him. It wasn't until the restroom door swung shut that she blinked and checked her pocket.

It was empty.

"When the hell did you pickpocket the credit card from my pants!?"

"It wasn't me. B was the one who did it. I just took it back from him."

"Yo…You….that…."

"Now isn't the time for complaints. We need to get back to the others and make sure no death notes get anywhere near Light."

"Ah…I…uhhh…." Jeichan followed L as he grabbed B's arm and dragged the criminal out of the restaurant, while B held a decadent chocolate ice cream cone with sprinkles, hot fudge and oreo bits in his right hand and a vanilla ice cream cone topped with strawberry syrup and rainbow sprinkles and cherries in his left. A few extravagantly decorated brownies clenched between his lips finished the delicious assortment.

"Mm…um…..umm." B mumbled, his attempt to keep the brownie in his mouth hindering all formation of speech. "MM…Ummmm. Urgh…um…." It continued even after L grabbed the vanilla cone from the criminal's left hand and began devouring it. "HMMM! UNN! Urr…URH!"

"Now's not the time to be making such sounds, B. Not while a shinigami is around…."

Jeichan simply gaped at the two, Ryuk's uncontrollable laughter ringing from her left.


	6. Chapter 6

**Dropped In A Fangirl's World**

**Chapter 6**

"Hell no! There is no possible way...No...I am not ever going to agree to that!" Light shouted, before him stood L holding out a pair of long-chain handcuffs identical to the ones they shared during his first imprisonment. "I am never going to be chained to you again!"

"You seem to be harboring the false impression that you have a choice in the matter, Yagami-kun." L approached a step, his coal eyes locked on the brunet's brown ones. He saw the scorn his nemesis struggled to keep concealed, and saw too, the glimmer of uncertainty on Light's face. "Yagami-kun. You will wear the handcuffs and you will allow yourself to be watched 24/7. Any resistance on your part simply reinforces your lack of trustworthiness."

"No." Light crossed his arms and backed a step from L, his hearing alert to the movements of Mello behind him and Near to his right.

"I'm siding with Kira on this, L." B hissed and grabbed the chain. His movement unexpected by Light but not by L. The detective kicked at his copycat while pulling on the handcuffs.

It took only the smirk on B's lips for L to realize the trap. He dropped the handcuffs quickly and tried to pull back his leg, but B grabbed hold of his ankle.

"Heh." B grinned and tilted his head while watching L – the detective unable to do more than maintain his balance on one leg.

"Not here, B." L growled, trying to hide even the tiniest decibel of pleading from his voice. B simply laughed, then brought his lips to the underside of L's foot.

That soft touch was enough to color the detective's cheeks a slight pink.

"B!" L attempted to swing a punch at the man, but faltered as B licked the detective's foot, trailing his tongue up and down the sensitive appendage.

L's face turned redder and redder, and his groin hotter and hotter with arousal. Despite the staring eyes surrounding them – or maybe because of them – L found himself unable to resist B's ministrations.

"B, stop!" He gasped, the next moment escaping B's grip and collapsing on the floor. The blood pounding in his head deafened him to the sound of Matt and Mello wrestling B to the floor.

The two soon had the tittering man pinned beneath them.

Throughout it all Near and Light wordlessly took in the scene.

_'Um, that...'_ Light blinked as he processed what had just happened, the next second covering his face with his left palm. A memory he'd had long since suppressed broke free of its confines and flashed like a neon sign in his thoughts. _'Oi, I remember tickling L's foot one time when he was sleeping and we were chained together...that was...'_

His non-Kira self had turned tomato red upon noticing the detective's reaction to his touch that time, and instead of giving in to his curiosity, he'd feigned sleep until real sleep took over.

"Stupid B." L mumbled, paused midway on sitting up on all-fours, while he waited for his arousal to lessen. He flinched as he heard footsteps approach, and glimpsed the familiar legs of his nemesis. "Kira..."

L glared up at Light, and then sat up straight, hoping the bulge of his pants wouldn't be seen (upon arriving back at the apartment he'd changed back to his normal attire, something he now regretted). He blinked when he saw Light pick up the handcuffs.

"...you know, maybe I wouldn't mind being handcuffed to you this time, L." Light smirked, his intentions brightly written on his face. "As long as you have the room soundproofed."

"..." L's cheeks reddened again. "Keep this...keep up the attitude and I'll lock you up with Jeichan."

"Keep _what_ up, hm?" Light teased the detective, understanding that L had self-censored his words in order to curtail a vulgar comeback. It may have been being around a rabid yaoi fangirl like Jeichan, but Light felt a sadistic pleasure at teasing the currently helpless detective. The idea of keeping him helpless even sexually, was enough to make Light feel superior.

"...shut up." L grumbled, reddening again as the joke had its intended effect. "I'll definitely lock you up with Jeichan..."

"Oh, _please_...like I couldn't seduce her if I wanted." Light scoffed, arms folded across his chest and the chain hanging from this right hand. His face saying that no woman could resist his charms and he'd have Jeichan doing his bidding in no time.

"..." L glowered at Light. "...then you'll be chained to Watari..."

Light froze in his retort and gave the detective a 'you-did-not-just-go-there' look.

B burst out laughing, pushing Matt and Mello off of him, and then pounding his fist against the wall in his exuberance.

"That's perfect! Kira and Watari with hot fudge and Twinkies and cherries and..."

Light gaped at B, surprised that he knew about Jeichan's Watari/hot fudge jokes, while L grimaced and covered his eyes, determined to erase the picture from his brain. Mello and Matt after a moment, quickly gagged B after the implications of the image flashed vividly in their imaginations.

"We do NOT need that image."

"Oh God. That's just gross."

"Mmh Mm uhm uhm! Uhm hmh!" B struggled to speak through the gag – a rolled up sock stuffed into his mouth with a towel then tied around his head. To prevent him from removing it, his hands were tied behind his back with a random shirt. "Mmh...hmm...margh..."

B soon gave up and instead pulled his legs towards himself; unable to move anything else, he poked the underside of his left foot with the big toe of his right. The expression on his face soon turning from anger to disappointment.

"..." L watched B with widened eyes, finally able to stand without worry – the words Watari and Twinkie together had effectively chased away his arousal. Seeing his copycat trying to caress his own feet caused him first surprise, then exasperation. _'Does he seriously still want to copy me in every regard? I thought this before, but...the training we gave the first group of orphans fucked up big time and created some serious nut-jobs...'_

"Okay. Back to the matter at hand." Mello spoke up, deciding it best to push all that'd just happened out of his mind. "Who's gonna be chained to Kira to supervise him 24/7? Cuz I don't think Watari is a good idea nor is Jeichan. Kira might just try to overpower her..."

"I wouldn't need to use force, I could easily..."

"You think you can seduce an _obsessive_ L fangirl, _Kira_?" Mello scoffed at Light's Don Juan arrogance, and scoffed again at the irritated glower Light returned. "You've been here _how long_ and you still haven't managed to turn her to your side, yet?"

"I haven't actually tried to seduce her yet. If I put in any sort of effort, I'll be able to seduce her within three days."

"Wanna bet on that?"

"You'll lose."

"Confident, aren't ya?" Mello crossed his arms and grinned. "How about we make this more fun and have the first person who is able to get Jeichan to kiss them be the winner and the loser has to do one thing for the winner."

"I'm game. What are the rules?"

"Hey, can I be a part of this?" Matt popped in between Light and Mello, glancing from one to the other.

"Sure. It's open to any one of us." Mello replied, only to be cut off by Light.

"Not to L...Or B. The two of them have an unfair advantage." Light eyed L who until then had a victorious gleam to his eyes. The detective's expression turned dour upon Light's words. "Jeichan already likes them."

"...I understand that Jeichan as a fangirl loves L, but just cuz B looks like L..."

"You haven't looked through Jeichan's saved fanfiction links, have you? Her most saved fics deal with B and L yaoi smut. Never mind the fact that she apparently planned on treating B to an all-you-can-eat dessert buffet instead of L..."

"Um...I'm not even gonna ask why you know that first bit, but...you got a point with that second bit."

"...Yagami-kun searches through Jeichan's links because she also reads and watches girl-on-girl manga and anime." L replied, watching Light intently.

"It's normal for a heterosexual guy to want to see two girls having sex..." Light retorted, his expression haughty. "Even if it's just one girl with a tentacle monster, it's still normal..."

"What the...Jeichan has that stuff bookmarked on her computer?!" Mello gaped.

"...that's nothing. She's a BDSM yaoi freak if you go by the amount of it found in the manga and fanfiction she reads." Matt responded to Mello before Light or L could. "She even has a yaoi-dating sim game called Absolute Obedience, and one called Enzai, Falsely Accused. I tried the first one out, and it's...interesting."

Mello, Light, L, and even B, simply stared at Matt.

"You actually tried playing a yaoi PC game?! WTF?!" Mello gaped and shook his head at his fellow orphan.

"...and you've just said WTF instead of 'what the fuck'..." Matt sighed and picked up a can of soda from the mini-fridge in the living-room. He opened it and took a gulp. Noticing the continued looks of disbelief, he swallowed then sighed again. "I'm out of video games to play, whatcha expect? I've beaten everything I have."

At that moment B started laughing hysterically through his gag, so much that his eyes started watering.

"...and our resident nut has taken my last sentence perversely." Matt muttered, lifting his eyes to the ceiling in thought. "...is it just me, or has Jeichan been rubbing off on B the most out of all of us?...And if you take the word 'rubbing' perversely B, I am going to handcuff you from the ceiling by your nuts."

"Hh...Hrgh...mrh...mmhhhmm...uhhrgh...mhh HMM!" B scowled and growled, the next second ripping off the gag in his mouth with his feet. "Ah..." He breathed, still scowling at Matt.

"Someone gag him again before he says something sickening..."

"Go fuck off." B kicked at the two younger men since L and Light were both too far away to reach with his legs. "...since you haven't seemed to realize yet, Jeichan and Near have both gone off somewhere. Hell, Jeichan was gone even before L brought out the handcuffs. And Near...he wandered off sometime while I was licking L's foot."

"Uh..." Mello blinked.

"I..."

"Well..." Light's neck turned slightly pink from embarrassment at not realizing Jeichan and Near both being AWOL. His embarrassment lessened as he noted that even L had failed to grasp that fact.

However, before anyone could make a more definite reply, the doorbell rang.


End file.
